Hyper Supermarkets

Perhaps one of the less attractive places to observe human behaviour that I love to write about, but certainly amongst the more fruitful for this, is the supermarket. Now mostly open up to 24 hours a day, they seem to attract various groups of people at differing times of the day.

Despite these characteristics and whatever time of the day you choose to frequent these places the dangers, hassles and risks remain the same, for make no mistake about it, supermarkets are often theatres of a form of domestic warfare. The weaponry involved can be manifold but commonly include the supermarkets provision of its own trolleys, baskets, shelves and display areas.

Many visiting participants to this combat bring their own weapons in the form of wheelie shopping bags, buggies, motorised carts, and children. Of course these personalised ordnance items can sometimes be attached to the basic supermarket trolley or basket for increased effect, and again in the case of children, be given, or often decide for themselves, roaming commissions around the supermarket that can wreak extra havoc on the unfortunate and unwary!

Even going to a supermarket at night isn’t totally the peacefully quiet environment you hoped for, as masses of manic staff swarm about the place with overfilled trolleys and pallets of produce to refill the ravaged shelf stocks of goodies taken during the day. Thus the night time shopper needs to be nimble and athletic to avoid the aforementioned pallets and stocked barrows and trolleys, and equally the staff too. Clearly any sleepy eyed nocturnal shopper is just as at risk as the daytime combatants!

Well I think my sardonic thoughts should give way to the first of my err, alright then, sardonic poems, perhaps aptly titled “Chariot Wheels”

Chariot Wheels

Shopping trolleys are inanimate

I want to make that clear,

They really cannot be blamed

If pushed by a Boadicea

Waddling largies push these carts

Like Rommel with his tanks,

And should you be in line of attack

You must dodge with little thanks.

Whether you are in or out the store

The dangers just the same,

Except inside there is little room

And much less chance to complain.

Outside in the widespread terrain

Your worry is their speed,

Or the lack of route or direction

So look out or you will bleed!

Propelled with gusto by the hulks

They roar across the road,

And doesn’t need a genius to see

They don’t know the Highway Code.

The shopping trolley chariot race

Should fill your heart with fear,

For driven by these Amazon’s

Even Ben Hur would not go near!

So stepping back inside the shop

You should feel no need to beg,

Until an unseeing Genghis Khan

Shoves their trolley in your leg.

Little old ladies are just as bad

And be sure you are no freer,

For they’ve no idea where to push,

And you they can’t see or hear.

These rattling supermarket trains

That is the shopper’s trolley,

In themselves are little threat

Only when trundled by a wally,

Of whom there seems to be a horde

Not knowing where they’re going,

And don’t see or care for us

Who risk all by our unknowing.

That to survive the trolley dash

You must forget all manners,

And do your very best to avoid

Trolley chariots and their banners!

So maybe that’s a little bit harsh on our “suprmarketateers” but all in “the best possible taste” and as they say many a true word is spoken, or written, in jest! But to be fair I have had relatively peaceful excursions to supermarkets when my main concern was spending too much money gathering things I already had, or didn’t really need either, but HEY perhaps that is it, the explanation for the attitudes and defensive behaviour ? Mmmmm philosophy now so quickly on to poem two and no surprise that it is called “Trolley Folly” ?

Trolley Folly

Some people walk slow, others fast

A few may have no choice,

But let them have a shopping trolley

And it becomes their own Rolls Royce!

So like the old fairground ride

With banging, crashing, bumper cars,

Pushing at their precious trolley

Their heads among the stars.

It’s my box of space, they seem to say

When clearly getting in the way,

But it has to be the greatest sin

If you should move their trolley in,

And a protective glare is hurled at you

Don’t touch my trolley whatever you do.

For if across an aisle like a barricade

It’s your fault, and the move you made!

But worse, oh so much worse than this

Is the one, who cannot push or steer,

As you’ve no chance of avoiding them

However much you try to keep clear.

For with eyes glued on a mobile phone

Or an “oldie” trying to read their list,

It will be more by luck than judgement

That your flesh they’ve barely missed!

So some will push slow, others fast

But you have no chance of getting past,

For with shopping done, or not yet started

Unlike the Red Sea, they won’t be parted

From the trolley front or even behind,

So it’s like watching them walking blind.

But the biggest scare and for cover I dive

Is seeing them get in a car and drive!

Well just before I finish with our “good ol’ supermarkets” I cannot end without a mention of those “bitter sweet” inventions that are the self service tills! Yes how to get “told off” by a mechanical lady? “Move your bag, you have not scanned that item, remove item from bagging area!” Etc etc MMMmmmm, Great stuff, but actually when they work well, and particularly if you only have a couple of items, they are excellent! But, when they DON’T work too well Anglo Saxon language may be uttered in various dialects back at the unseen “mechanical lady” ?

Oh well all great fun, but as usual a “nice” poem to end with from my 2nd book, “More Poetic Views of Life” that should put all our frustrations into perspective perhaps? My poem entitled Home Comforts…..

Home Comforts

You must really count your blessings

I do that each and every day,

For there’s always someone worse off

No matter what you think or say!

We live closely in our own world

So don’t see much else around,

And very little affects us here

Thus we sleep safe and sound.

No war now overshadows us

Earthquake, drought or heavy weather.

In fact if we get deep heavy snow

There’s panic running hell for leather!

We have no major killing diseases

Of course cancer threatens us all,

But that’s a worldwide problem too

Thus our health concerns are small.

Well apart that is from obesity

That will be the new fatal killer,

Unless people stop eating fast food

And go easy on their stomach filler.

We live closely in our own world

So don’t see much else around,

And very little affects us here

Thus we sleep safe and sound.

So rest safely in your beds tonight,

For it’s only you that cause distress

And shock waves in your tranquil pond,

Thus why would we settle for less!

All three of my books :–

Poetic Views of Life

MORE Poetic Views of Life &

Reviews of Life in Verse

Will ensure my donation to the excellent charity I support, promote and donate to, that being Help for Heroes and my books only priced £4. 99p each are all on sale at Amazon, or from me at …………….. lw1800@hotmail.co.uk

I also have a Facebook page “The Psychy Poet Laurie Wilkinson”

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