Turning to a higher power to care for me and keep me safe was a novel idea. As a child, I thought of the God from the bible stories and pictures in a white robe. Other children in my Sunday School class told of their wonderful adventures and I knew that would never happen to me. I felt I was not good enough for him to help me. In addition, I did not know how to pray as they came from the hymnal at church or the minister. One summer in Vacation Bible School, I memorized the 23rd Psalm, but I did not understand it.
One night when I was very young, scared, and watching my parents fight, I instinctively prayed for God to help me. I did not want to be beat up like my mother or abused again. I did not know how to pray, it just happened. Many years later, I had an experience as an adult in the middle of the night; I knew I would die from a hysterical car ride with the focus to kill me during several near head on collisions. Again, I intuitively prayed, “God please help me, I really don’t want to die”. I needed a God who would love me unconditionally.
Shortly after that, I found spirituality in 12 Step Programs. They encouraged me to pray and meditate. This seemed foreign to me. Why would I pray? I was taught at home not to ask for help and my church preached against meditation. Apparently, this prayer for God to help me was heard. I am still alive. Surprisingly, classes, counseling, and other information became options for me to learn new ways and how to involve myself.
Through attending meetings and reading the material, I found that God/Love is within. I never heard this in church, and it made sense. I’ve learned that when I have negative emotions, thoughts, or communications, they stop my connection. Through prayers and meditation from manifesting guidance and direction, I have a faith and trust in God’s love that I could not see. I had to clear away the negative and fearful barriers preventing my good feelings of feeling good.
As I became more in tune with my inner-self, through prayer, and meditation, I began to realize there was an energy protecting and keeping me safe. I almost died 12 times. My angels, guides, and masters were there with me each time. I have always had invisible help; I just was not aware. Through faith, I have changed my perception to an inner power of love that is always with me. I began to have feelings of fullness and self-worth not being lonely or insecure from my horrifying past.
The answer was to become mindful that my job was not to search for love, but to find all the barriers within myself that stop a loving energy. Finding the truth inside meant I had to remove the obstacles of false beliefs. I also had to remove all my negative thoughts, emotions, communications, and behaviors. I had to sort the truth from the false. Through this inner house cleaning I removed everything that covered the truth of the Great Reality within. These old ideas and emotions were the barriers to my happy life.
This required me to list my fears, resentments, and unconstructive ways that prevented the awareness of a loving force. The more I identified each anger or resentment; the more I became calm and less upset with myself and others. Ultimately, I found that anger is the reaction of a child who does not get their way. It’s like throwing a temper tantrum. It was time to release all my anger and rage accepting the circumstances, people, and harms were necessary so I could move beyond my immaturity. That was the past. I could now let go and give them to God. They were my lessons to grow up.
When I was teaching, there was a weekly newspaper that came for the children that listed fears and the ages that you usually outgrow them. I was reminded that I needed to list every fear to release them all. It was time to move into faith. I could not have fear and faith at the same time. It’s been said that fear is “False Emotions Appearing Real.” I found that fear is from the ego stopping me from moving into the presence of my higher power’s love. It’s an illusion; like a mirage, fear keeps me irrational.
Evaluating each resentment and fear, I found I was seeing my adult life through the eyes of a three-year-old child. I stopped growing emotionally when my dad beat my mother. I had never grown beyond because of the fear of physical harm. I had never grown up. I looked like an adult, but inside I was a terrified little girl.
If I do not let it go, my fear will come back for me to face. After several years of releasing most of my fears, I had a major one surface. I was in Seattle when my car was stolen while I was speaking about my near death experience to a group (IANDS) that studies near death experiences. Some hoodlums took my car, damaged the leather seats, left the odor of marijuana, and abandoned it out of gas. A few days later, I left for a two-week trip. A week later when I was in Paris to see the Spiritual Sights of Mother Mary, I received a call from the police. They found the car which was a mess and in disrepair. I told them where to tow it and I contacted the insurance company when I returned.
In a meditation, I was told that I had attracted the experience from the energy of fear that my car would be stolen and I would be left without transportation. Fear attracts the very thing for which you are afraid. Like the statement, “What goes around comes around”. There is a universal law that says “like attracts like.” I had released many fears at that time, but I had forgotten about my fear of the car being stolen and leaving me stranded. This helped me realize that I had more fear to release, as I no longer wanted to attract what comes with them.
My recent and last significant fear to overcome was to go up in the huge ferris wheel at the waterfront in Seattle. It looks out over Puget Sound, the ferry boats, and the Olympic Mountains. When my friend asked me to go with him on the ferris wheel ride for his birthday, I explicitly said “No.”
I’d had a hysterical experience in a carnival ride called the Octopus in 6th grade The ride was stopped immediately so I could get off. I vowed never to go on a carnival ride that ascends again.
After talking with my spiritual teacher, I realized I could go into meditation and change my fear to faith. This changed my feelings and I agreed to go. I comfortably went up in the ride as if I were in the arms of God’s protection. At the top, there was a magnificent orange sunset that filled the sky as it reflected off the water and the buildings behind us. I was in Joy!
This picture is the cover of my latest book, “Paradigm Busters, Reveal the Real You” at amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC . The orange sky represents Christ Consciousness, which signifies fearlessness, unconditional love, and maturity.
I am a psychic/medium and provide readings. If you are interested, please contact me at marilyn@angelciasgifts.com. For more about me check out my website Angelica’s Gifts, Amazon.com, search for me on YouTube, and read my blog at marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com. My newsletter is available at http://eepurl.com/73fEH