Well as it’s now May I thought it would be an ideal time to talk about getting ready for summer, the beach, barbecue’s, pub gardens and all other (hopefully) sunny occasions.
Yes I do know that these are more in our hopeful minds and fantasies than a reality, but “Hey Ho”, one must be ready and thus properly attired!
Again yes, that is the idea and aim, to be appropriately and properly dressed, or Mmmm attired, but will we be? “YES of course” I hear you shout back, or not as the case maybe, but as the old time comedian used to say “Oh please yourself!” (Frankie Howard for the younger, amnesia sufferers or unaware!) Yup, educational poet and columnist now too.
Anyway I am confidently certain, lol, that you and I will be dressed well for the oncoming summer in a smart, tidy and appropriate manner, but what about all the other people?
All will be models personified I hope, but sadly with little real confidence as dress sense and more concerningly standards, have gone rapidly downhill over the last few years, (cue “macho man”, or NOT, walking bare chested around our streets and even shops, with a red sweaty skin) on unhealthy show.
So there will almost certainly be a mass of “poetic ammunition and cannon fodder” for a Psychy Poet and observor of life, people, and the world at large then!
This includes my good and near pefect self too obviously! And of course means anyone else who is not drunk, deluded or generally psychotic or perhaps short sighted really, will be looking about too I guess, but let’s not spoil my fun please……..
First poem time, but no let up, so from my 4th book comes the poem, “Sunrise Strip”
Sunrise Strip
The weather is getting better
And sunshine is coming back,
Which surely heralds the return
Of the famous builders crack,
That greets us from their shorts
Failing to gather everything in.
Looking terrible on the large
And not much better on the thin.
Now our rare sunshine is the cue
For awful sights, if I can be blunt,
With bums showing at the back
And bellies hanging out the front.
Though our builder or tradesman does
Go to work with all his might,
But sadly in too small shorts
That allows rock bottom sight.
Another grotesque view we get
Seen in towns of grit and dirt,
Is when the suns rays come out
The blokes must remove their shirt.
And if that’s not bad enough
With exposure of their belly flops,
They disgustingly walk round like it
Inside our stores and shops.
So that is some of the problems
When out the sunshine comes,
Though folks enjoying it is good to see
But not a close up of their bums.
Now I’m not a model icon
Sure my body has it its flaws,
But if exhibitionists can’t cover up
It’s far best they stay indoors!
–
So now we have had a little look, well you surely wouldn’t want a long look, at those sort of visions described above, and now let us move on to other sights. No less awful, but perhaps somewhat more oblivious with these guys, who it would appear think they are the proverbial “it”, whatever having “it” (again or NOT) may be?
So again from my 4th book “Life Scene in Verse” comes my poem entitled “Black Socks”…
Black Socks
The guy was all ready for the sun
I mean this man had it all.
A shirt to find your way home with,
With shorts just a bit too small.
A baseball cap perched on his head
While a neck chain said he rocks,
He had a smashing pair of sandals
But Oh, with jet black socks!
These were pulled high up his legs
Right beyond his calf,
So despite all your best efforts
You couldn’t help but laugh.
Now I’m not against black socks
Of course they have their place.
In black shoes and dark trousers,
But in sandals they’re a disgrace.
So our man swaggered in the sun
Taking off his trendy hat,
Revealing scant hair but a pony tail
Hanging on his shoulder like a rat.
Now I really don’t wish to be cruel
But it was this that made me wail,
Though a close call belly laugh
Between black socks and pony tail.
Though we do live in a free country
And can wear what you will or won’t,
But with black socks in open sandals
It’s far better that you don’t !
–
There are of course places and areas where such caveman dress sense is considered the norm, ok, appropriate or even unoticed? “Most of Britain” you shout, well Mmmm maybe sadly, but not my immediate thought! Australia is! lol….
Having been fortunate enough to have travelled mostly all round Oz, I have seen many strange, bizaare, dangerous, frightening and terrifying sights, but those of course are just the population!What nature or gendre they are (often unknown?), I will leave to your good selves to fill in the gaps!
But such lovely people, err well if not playing cricket, tampering with balls, sledging or whatever, bless their hearts, but yup lovely people the convict mob!
Now just HOW did I get to Australia when discussing dress sense? No idea? No nor have I … chuckle, chuckle, yuk, yuk!
Where are we going next then, or perhaps where am I going if nobody is reading this, but hahahahaaaaa, as said earlier above by Frankie Howard, “please yourself”…
I suppose we could look at at the other end of the scale, always worth a poetic comparison, and review the “posh” events or “do’s” where one is “required” to wear formal dress, or mostly more specifically evening dress? That usually means dressing up and wearing a remakably similar garb as everyone else attending.
This tends to make the room look as it’s been invaded by a brigade of lovelorn, manic penguins, all flapping and squawking at the same time! The men oviously are and look just as bad, but of COURSE we have all been there, done it and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Errr NO, do I hear again? Hahhahahaaaaa, “Oh please yourself!”
Another poem now, again from my fourth book, “Life Scene in Verse” and is called “No Hiding Place” but best hold on again, though definetely won’t be about you?
No Hiding Place
At our local swimming pool
You can see many a curious sight.
With lots of lovely young girls,
Whilst other scenes are a fright.
Men wearing tight fitting trunks,
“Budgie Smugglers” for the thin.
Though sadly worn by some “largies”
Having more hanging out, than in!
For it seems a life contradiction
That the larger many folk grow,
Instead of tucking it safely away
They must put it all out on show.
Now I’m not against big sizes
I have a growing waist myself,
But I fervently try to hide it
Not put it on the front shelf.
But back to those swimming trunks
Of varying size of modesty cover,
With the battle of those bulges
Where some really need another
Or much larger piece of cloth,
To keep their harvest all intact.
As hiding mountains behind a stamp
Won’t work, and that’s a fact!
–
Unless I want this article to cover several pages, which neither I, nor “Editor Boss” would really choose, I will now “cease fire” as I could probably continue unabated for some time, but as ever will close on a serious note, really?, but will conclude anyway.
I will state here, that although I frequently joke, (you noticed?) I am also very serious too at times, as many of my other poems demonstrate!
However in this article on dress, I do actually believe everyone can and should, wear exactly what, how and where, they want to!
We may though still reserve the right to laugh, comment and even write poems about it!
Perhaps it would be safer if we all dressed exactly the same in a uniform, or perhaps wore no clothes at all? I will leave it to you, but I will be watching….
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