Domestic violence does not affect men or women—it affects people. We don’t often think of domestic violence as gender-neutral we tend to associate it with men as the abusers and women as the victims. Although one in four women experience domestic violence at some point in their lives, it’s not just women affected by the problem. The Office for National Statistics figures shows every year that one in the three victims of domestic abuse is men equating to 757,000 men vs 1.561m women. Half of men victims (49%) fail to tell anyone they are victims of domestic abuse and are two and a half times less likely to tell anyone than women victims (19%). However, over the past five years (April 2015 to March 20), on average, 12 men per year had been killed by a partner or ex-partner, as opposed to a staggering 74 women per year.
What are the warning signs of domestic abuse?
Here is a list of common signs that someone such as a woman, man or child you know is being abused:
- They exhibit sudden mood swings, such as depression or hysteria.
- Their behaviour suddenly changes for no apparent reason. For example, they stop hanging out with friends and family members who were previously important to them; they become isolated from social groups.
- You see changes in appearance such as marks on their body, bruises or cuts on their face or body. The person has difficulties in explaining their injuries. When asked, they say they had an accident.
- They seem to be afraid to talk about their partners.
- When asked why they don’t leave their partner, they say it’s because of love, or they can’t afford to leave.
How to help a survivor
If you know or suspect someone who’s a victim of domestic violence, there are things you can do to help. Listen to them without judgement. Let them speak and be heard. Help them get out of their situation if they want to leave whilst you may not be able to stop their abuse, you can still make a massive difference in how they feel about themselves so that they know they deserve better.
Urge them to seek professional help
Aside from trying to help directly, a counsellor or therapist can also serve as a third-party go-between.
Offer empathy, encouragement, and validation
Most people don’t report domestic violence because they are afraid that no one will believe them, that it could make matters worse, or that their kids could get taken away. You may not know how to help or what to say when someone confides in you that they are being abused. But you can do many small things to provide much-needed support, so try to educate yourself on domestic violence and how to support it, as it could make a big difference.
Many organisations support victims of domestic abuse, such as Rise in Brighton and Hove. However, if anyone is in danger, they should dial 999.
Domestic violence does not have a gender, and we must ensure that survivors get access to resources and support services to begin healing from trauma caused by abuse. We must work toward ending domestic violence against all people without regard for gender.