Little did I know that I was not living a life in reality? I was taught not to listen to my feelings or question what I was told. I dutifully was obedient from the fear of punishment, physical and emotional. I stayed in that victim space until I was 45 years old. Then suddenly, my life was threatened. I prayed, “God, please help me. I really did not want to die”. Ironically, I was dying in several ways, but I was in denial. I was my own worst enemy.
I did not know that I was lying to myself. What you do not know you do not know. Denial is the number one offender. I was honest paying for my groceries, but I was not honest with myself. In my dysfunctional family, it was not possible to have reality or honesty. I continued this deception until I had to make a decision about my existence. During a life and death crisis, I declared that I wanted to live and not die. This choice brought honesty into my life. I had to become as honest as I could if I were to become sane and healthy.
That meant I needed to walk in faith and not live from my ego. I had to move out of my head and into my heart. Instead of setting up all the ducks to shoot in a row like the concession at the circus, I needed to allow the universe to bring me the right results. I needed to trust the universe. I could no longer run my life from fear. Moving into trusting a loving universe to support me in my life was a major decision. I was taught that love hurts.
At one point, it became obvious to me that I had to let the chips fall where they would, I had no control over what happened. This was a big step for me. I always tried to arrange the checkerboard and knew my jumps ahead of time. Without my predicting the results, I was uncertain to the outcome. Surprisingly, with my new plan the energy felt good and life fell together better than I expected. In fact, it went together pretty well; however, the feelings were limited, because I had only partial faith.
I became aware that if I chose 100% faith I could get even better results and feel terrific. The more I opened up to this invisible, beneficent energy, the better my life became. I chose to become open-minded to all the good outcomes. I had been the one stopping my success. Learning a spiritual axiom that “what I focus on grows”, brought a new focus.
I needed my main emphasis to be on truth. How do you separate the truth from the false? This was my dilemma. Finally, I understood my life was not based in truth, but the insanity of my family. I was living out the life of my parents and not my own. I needed help to understand what I had not learned growing up. It was time to find out who I really was and the truth about me. This was a major concern. How do you do this?
Fortunately, answers, tools, and opportunities for outgrowing my immaturity and insanity appeared in my life. In the next column, I will share what I found for understanding, common sense, and growing into success.
More answers for victory are in my book, “Road to Success” at Amazon.com. http://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC . For psychic readings and more information check out my website http://angelicasgifts.com or contact me at marilyn@angelicsgifts.com