My life required an appeal for love to manifest in my heart. Discovering that it is necessary to invite it into my life was an awakening. I sat in a church pew for 50 years but did not have a conscious connection with a God of my understanding. Hearing this information created a spiritual awareness. Moving into my heart has changed my life into a love-based life instead of a fear-based one. This was the missing part.
Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Through following the advice of “Trust God, clean house, and help others”, I began exploring. I have been scrutinizing my life for thirty-six years. My childhood and marriage were domestic violence and abuse; I could not trust the people in my life; they were not trustworthy. How do you trust something invisible as a Creator? Finding myself in perilous difficulties of life or death numerous times, it was obvious there was something bigger than me keeping me alive.
Accepting and practicing faith in this higher power changed everything. One night seeing angels keep me alive from my husband trying to kill me was the turning point. This experience brought an understanding that has become a faith that is strong today.
One evening a couple years ago, I fell down full force in an asphalt parking lot from a hole that needed to be repaired. The lighting in the area was poor. I got a black eye and my right arm, shoulder, and wrist were injured and very painful. I fortunately had help to get up as my arthritis prohibited my standing up from the ground by myself. I luckily did not have any broken bones; however, I did break my glasses. The brain concussion put me out of business of helping my clients, writing, and artwork for several months.
Now, I am able to see the bigger picture of why it happened instead of blaming the church for poor maintenance. Resting while using ice on the painful parts of my face allowed the healing to happen, I found the reasons for this experience.
There were several lessons from this event. First, I recognized that my old terrified energy had to leave. Fear that I would be beaten since the age of three, when I witnessed my mother battered, needed to be felt and released. Since that old threat is no longer valid in my current life, it needed to leave my consciousness. It was an opportunity to move into a new mindset beyond the past. I finally understood their fights were between them and were not about me.
In addition, I had been fearful of a black eye in my marriage, which would have not been good when I went to teach at school. My black eye gradually healed from the fall and was less purple each day. I know today that what you fear becomes a magnet to attract it. I was ready to release my fear of a black eye from potentionally being beaten. Today, I am not in relationships to fear this. It is no longer relevant and those feelings needed to be expressed to flow out of my unconsciousness.
Another major issue was to take responsibility for attracting the incident to me. These challenges are set up for me to move beyond by a script we write before we arrive on the planet. In addition, I found that my projects had to stop so I could put space between my old life and new one. Fortunately, I was able to resume from recovery in a more realistic pace in my life. Having to be in bed to heal, I was now able to bring to a halt to being a workaholic and overachiever.
Lastly, I never thought about suing anyone or blaming the church for poor maintenance. It was needed so the new energy of love could fill the void left. These early fearful energies from the past needed to depart and this was the opportunity. I accepted that is was a necessary reality for my spiritual progress.
Moving up the ladder of perception is my goal. Life is about moving from being selfish to selfless. The film, Ground Hog Day, has become one of the acknowledged classics of American comedy. It is the story of a TV weatherman, Phil Connors, who is forced to live the same day, February 2nd, repeatedly until he gains some insight into his life. He changes into being helpful and caring to others.
This is not an easy process. I grow into having a sense of being worthy and self-confident. Recognizing I saw life through the eyes of a terrified child, made sense. The old perceptions needed to leave, as they are no longer relevant.
My task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within myself that I built against it. With thirty-six years of cleaning and releasing, my fear-based negative thoughts, communication, and behaviors from my traumatic and abusive past, I have grown into a more compassionate and caring person.
Learning about emotions and how they are to flow through me and not stay stuck from past circumstances makes the difference. Emotions are energy in motion. I need to allow them to move on so I am free of the past still influencing my current experiences. Then, I am open to live in the moment which is a gift and why it is called The Present.
This brought a new pair of glasses. Now free to see that others were wounded children themselves passing on their pains to me was awakening. I have a choice to release the past harms and not continue on the course of my parents’ or husband’s wounded path.
I can peacefully walk my own walk into maturity and love as an adult. It is necessary to move from denial, express it, and release it. With forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, and feeling the presence of goodness within, I move into reality. My experiences bring wisdom. Today sharing my insight and understanding helps others. My weaknesses have become my assets.
My latest interview is with Kizzi on You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372
Check out her website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /
Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC
Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 180 videos on You Tube at https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372
Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./