Learning to live with the difficulties in life and give others the same opportunity was a challenge in my life. In fact, I was raised that people were supposed to all have the same thoughts and feelings. I had learned to postpone, trivialize, and sacrifice my life, without peace of mind because of the alcoholism and other dysfunctions in the family.
In my survival, I was controlling, fixing, and being a martyr. I learned this behavior from my mother; however, I was not aware of how this affected others for years. I was taught to deny myself the right to attend to my own needs and then I denied that right to the people I loved. My mother modeled the behaviors that I performed well from a young age. It has taken years to undo the damage. For most of my life, I lived in a wilderness, depression, and austerity trying to go the way I wanted.
This existence was not productive in my marriage, either. I was tied to my husband for security and love. He also was attached to me for his emotional refuge from his abusive childhood. Our co-dependent relationship went downhill over time.
At the turning point, I found a spiritual program that taught me how to reduce the effects of alcoholism, co-dependency, and mental illness in my family life. Finding programs with support and tools where I felt a warmth and acceptance was new to me. Discovering that I did not have life skills to mature, they offered the information I needed to move into a healthier place in relationships. I was to meet my own needs, validation, and love. I moved into recovery for co-dependency and my other concerns. I had to focus on myself and take care of me.
That was a surprise; I had tried to change my husband for years. Over time, I realized that I was powerless over others. In The Serenity Prayer, it says that I need “the courage to change the things I can”. It was my journey in life and if I became unselfish, my life would change. I did not know I was selfish; I called it survival. I found out I could only change me.
I learned to trust in a power greater than myself. Instead, of thinking my husband was to take care of me, I found a higher power that loved me unconditionally. My new understanding of God cleared the way to change my dependence on my husband, family, and others.
The past was not enjoyable and I was ready to turn my life and will over to a Higher Power and use spiritual tools to guide me in my new adventure. Over time, I found that I was not alone because those in the group were learning like me. My Higher Power had never left me. I only needed to open my heart so my love could manifest in my life. I pushed through my denial of enabling and need to control. I learned that no situation is hopeless. It had not been safe to be open hearted. Learning that life is a process, full of ordeals, growth, and satisfaction was a new awareness.
“Live and Let Live” is letting others live their lives. It is challenging and means being accountable. This means that they have their own Higher Power in their lives and it is not me. This allows me to focus on myself. It gives me the opportunity to enjoy each day and not interfere with someone else’s life.
Through this tolerance, I find humility, faith, and self-awareness. This became a strong foundation for personal confidence becoming the basis of my life. When I had a life, I was learning to no longer to be concerned for the choices, opinions, and actions of others. I was free to rally my own needs and accordingly my loved ones could live more freely to meet their own needs.
In addition, it means the past is no longer my focus. I do not react from past harms, but can live in the moment, free to be myself. I am able to move forward from this stance and detach from the past with love and forgiveness. This is the moment I have to enjoy life. As I move forward in my progress, my future grows into better places daily.
This new basis in my life has brought rewards I could not have envisioned before. Today I am in a relationship of unconditional love in spiritual unity. My boyfriend has his life of volunteering, bicycling, baseball, and bowling that truly make him happy. I am not a part of these activities unless I am invited to a celebration dinner.
I have my counseling, writing, art work, and volunteering for my focus. We both enjoy plays, traveling, golfing, and other activities including a spiritual study group called “Search for God”. Our lives are full with each other and filled when we are not with each other.
Before my life changes, I was most devastated because my son would not communicate. I had very teary days during several Mother’s Days. He wishes to not participate in many family gatherings either. I learned that I do not have to have my son there for me to be happy. However, I have had to learn he is living his life that works for him. He seems happy if I do get to see him, but that is not often.
In the past, my daughter and I were at arm’s length in our relationship. Lately, I have become a sounding board for her to make her own decisions. Currently, she calls to check- in and sometimes looks to me for “wisdom” when she calls. Now a days, she calls me often and has learned to depend upon me for loving support. In her last call, I did make several suggestions of options for her to take. She called back happy with the results that are working out very well for her. She found her own way to resolve her dilemma.
“One good turn deserves another” and that is true inasmuch that what you do to others – or for others – comes around in the course of time and you can in fact carry karma from one life to another. Good karma is something that you can gain at any time and particularly where it has involved someone unknown to you.
The big prize through this transformation is that I have developed real feelings. It is safe to express myself, be myself, and feel my feelings. I can now live more fully and I can now allow others to live more fully, too.
Reverend Marilyn Redmond, CHT, IBRT. BA in Ed, International Speaker, International award winning writer, International Author, International Consultant, International Columnist, International Board of Regression therapy, Therapeutic Hypnotist, Past Life Therapy, ordained minister for spiritual counseling, artist, and give readings. Website: angelicasgifts.com, books at http://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC, and Lectures, interviews and spiritual information on You Tube at https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=marilyn+redmond&page=1