The Diary of Horace the Badger
It was such a hard decision to make, whether to save millions of lives by injecting 56BILLION into the NHS or have HS2 Train set for his next birthday!
Monday:
Horace, ‘Oh my dear Rat the trains are more important because we will be able to travel at 250mph from London to the Midlands and then up to Wigan, Manchester, Sheffield and Leeds! What fun I’ve always wanted to drive a train.’
Rat said, ‘The original cost was going to be 39BILLION.’
Horace, ‘What’s the difference, we are not paying, it’s going to be our jolly old Tax Payers. We are here just to make the wrong decisions.’
Rat, ‘But there’s a difference of 17BILLION!’
Horace, ‘I will just cry if I don’t get my way!’
Rat, ‘I know Horace, I’ve had to change your blotting paper twice this week already – we mustn’t spend too much on stationery as we will have the Tax-Payers on our backs!’
Tuesday:
Horace, ‘We will have to change the name.’
Rat, ‘What name?’
Horace, ‘The Con in conservatives.’
Rat, ‘Why is that Prime Minister?’
Horace, ‘People are beginning to catch on!’
Wednesday:
Horace, ‘My dear Rat I don’t know what to do about Pensioners’ free TV Licences?
Rat, ‘I suggest Prime Minister – make them pay – why should they get something for nothing?’
Horace, ‘That’s okay it was the Labour party who voted originally to grant this privilege.’
Rat, ‘That’s okay then!’
Horace, ‘Of course it’s okay – get it organised Rat.’
Rat, ‘Why me?’
Horace, ‘You thought of it – I don’t want to get the blame for letting it happen!’
Thursday:
Horace, ‘These adverse Press Reports about the Government have got to stop, even though they are true.’
Rat, ‘I’ll get the paperwork done – it will be in our next Manifesto.’
Horace, ‘That will be too late.’
Rat, ‘Tomorrow morning Prime Minister.’
Horace, ‘I can understand why they call you Rat.’
Rat, ‘What do you mean?’
Horace, ‘You do all your work underhand!’
Friday:
Horace yawns, ‘Every Friday is a lazy day for me, building up for the weekend.’
Rat, ‘You promised to inject a large amount of money into the NHS.’
Horace, ‘Don’t bother me with unimportant things! This is the second time you have mentioned this!’
Rat, ‘This is important Prime Minister, your health won’t always be good!’
Horace, ‘Are you threatening me?’
Rat, ‘Perish the thought, I’m just warning you Prime Minister.’
Saturday
Horace, ‘Oh Ratty you were right – I’ve got to have an operation.’
Rat, ‘I told you so – but you didn’t listen!’
Horace, ‘I was going to have an easy day too.’
Rat, ‘Don’t you wish you had given the money to the NHS instead?’
Horace, ‘No I’m not worried, it’s only a small operation.’
Rat, ‘I would be worried, they’ve run out of anaesthetic!’
The names have been changed to protect the guilty!
The above is just my opinion and anyone who wants to write to me care of the newspaper regarding the content – please do so! Swear words are not accepted.